Worlds Apart, Galaxies Away: Perhaps I shall return one day
by PegasusWingsVW
Summary: <html><head></head>Julia Miles (OC) has spent much a significant amount of time living in the ancient city of Atlantis, until one day, a stargate malfunction sends her to another universe. Will she ever get home? Or is she doomed to live in a galaxy where, much to her distaste, the TV show star trek is real?</html>
1. Just another day in the universe

**AN: ok, so I admit this is kinda silly, however I actually really enjoy writing this story. If there is any romance in this story, it will be...hopefully tasteful and so totally between my own characters. Also, once again, like with most of my stuff, I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors I have missed.  
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**Worlds Apart, Galaxies Away: Perhaps I shall return one day**

A young women sat at her post on board the Federation Starship Enterprise, staring at her controls and looking extremely bored. She was newly assigned, and still a rather unknown element to the captain and crew of the vessel. As far as Captain Kirk was concerned, she was competent and had a glowing record for a nineteen year old, therefore she would make a fine addition to his crew. However, that fact aside, Kirk was puzzled by her despondent disposition and lack of enthusiasm to be on the bridge. Actually, it down right bothered him. Something needed to be done about it. Rising, the captain moved causally across the bridge towards his new ensign.

He decided to address her sharply, in hopes of causing her to hop to attention. A bored ensign was a sloppy ensign, and sloppy personal were dangerous to the ship.

"Ensign Miles, report."

She shifted slightly in her seat, and then replied calmly without looking up.

"All systems read normal sir, nothing to report." Kirk frowned slightly. This was not the response he wanted. He glanced at her panel, and saw that she was correct, all readings were normal. But her lack of flustered response still bothered him. New crew-members almost always wanted to make a good impression on their captain.

"Ensign, is there a particular reason you don't care to sit at attention when being address by your captain?"

Turning a pair of dark brown eyes on him she responded with an unreadable expression. "My apologizes captain, I was unaware that I was sitting here at my post in a disrespectful fashion. How shall I sit?"

Now Kirk felt annoyed. She was acting like Spock, and one Vulcan on the ship was more than enough.

"How you are sitting is fine ensign, but in the future I would prefer if you looked at me when I speak to you."

"Of course. Is that all?" she said, looking him in the eye with what could almost be called defiant tolerance.

Nodding, Kirk walked back to his chair. "Yes, carry on ensign."

Spock looked at him with a questioning eyebrow raised. Kirk waved it off and then settled into his own thoughts. One thing kept coming back into his mind. He should remember to look closely into Ensign Julia Miles' file once more, and ask some questions about her. Only one week on the ship and already he found her to be a curious creature, so unlike most of the other females on board the ship.

For one thing she refused to wear the standard uniform and had written a formal request to be allowed to wear either a longer skirt or leggings with her uniform. Kirk was surprised. No one had ever had a complaint before. And McCoy had brought her up in conversation the other night. Apparently she had been ducking out on her examination. And then when he did manage to get hold of her, he found that she showed signs of several previous injuries and radiation exposure that had never been properly treated until six months prior. McCoy was furious because she wouldn't give him any information on how these injuries took place. To make matter worse she would only submit to the mandatory examinations, telling him he would have to get a superior officer to order her to go through with further scans. Since there was not immediate need for such things and the ensign was well in her rights to refuse, Kirk could not order her to do so since it would just be to satisfy his chief medical officers curiosity. According to Spock, who had also taken interest in the new crew member, she was an 'adequately talented young women with unique ways of doing things'.

Unique and valuable was a certain thing about her though. An incident involving 20th century tech earlier that week had revealed one thing about her. She was very well acquainted with old technologies, especially from late 20th century to the 21st. When asked about it she had only shrugged and said it was a hobby and that she liked old things.

_Yes, an interesting girl...there was just something about her- _

The entrance of a young man shook Kirk from his musings. Lieutenant Rogan L'Phuern was the first Palonian the Enterprise had ever had the privilege of taking on as a crewmen. They where a very intellectually brilliant race, with powerful diplomatic characteristics and generally understood to be a peaceful people. Although Palonians looked completely human, they possessed certain abilities that involved shape shifting and telepathy. The specifics where still a mystery to Kirk, and he made a note to look into the race further when he had the chance, or to have a long conversation with the young man.

L'Phuern held out a report to be signed, and then filled his captain in on what was being accomplished in engineering. The crewmen was well versed in multiple fields of expertise, and a huge asset to off world missions. Scotty was beside himself with glee in the engine replacements L'Phuern had helped to install, and together they had been working on a why to increase efficiency by another 65%.

By the time Kirk finished with the lieutenant, he noticed that Ensign Miles was gone, evidently relieved sometime during the conversation. Before he could wondering anymore about his puzzling ensign, Mr. Spock appeared by his side with yet another report. Signing, he took the data pad and set about signing it.

Elsewhere in the ship, Julia Miles walked slowly toward the mess hall deep in thought and feeling just as gloomy as she had all day on the bridge.

_Six months..._she thought, _Six months and I'm still not any closer to finding my way home. Why did it have to be a reality where Star Trek was real? I hate this uniform! I would have rather been thrown into a reality where time lords existed...at least then the Doctor would have been able to help me get home. But no, I got stuck with James T. Kirk, Spock and 'Bones' McCoy. Not only that, I have to try and stay on this ship without them finding out about me. That didn't go so well last time. Really don't want to end up in a psyc ward again, it took ages to escape._

Julia sighed and entered the mess hall. It had be tricky navigating a world she only knew from the odd TV episode in her own universe. Her arrival was less than graceful. The Stargate she came through disintegrated and collapsed into an vat of green goop. After wandering around on a barren plant for three weeks before finding a crashed vessel and setting up a beacon and being found by a federation ship, she had not been in a healthy condition. They didn't believe her story of a Stargate malfunctioning or of alternate realities. Upon arrival back to earth, she was placed in a psyc ward. Surprisingly, by playing up her mental instability act, she found it easier to escape than if she had been acting 'normal'. Before leaving, she managed to erase her file and set a trace on the rather simple system to erase the same file and scramble the source. That had not been easy. She had very little knowledge of the computer systems and had found she was mostly just guessing and got lucky with how things turned out.

Once on the streets Julia evaded the authorities with some difficulty. She managed to befriend a rather shady group of humans who specialized in black market activities. One of the females in the group helped her get up to speed on the computer systems, and how things worked with the federation of planets, etc. Her name was Frian, she had been really rather nice. And to repay them, Julia hacked the police systems to lower Frian's wanted level to minimal criminal activity so she wouldn't keep getting flagged and followed.

Julia had rejoiced in her natural tech talents in those early days. The systems where so simple compared to wraith and ancient tech, and before long she had created a program that was untraceable through which she created her new identity. Her name she kept the same, just in case her own people managed to find a way to get to that reality and started looking for her. Then she put herself into Starfleet, created some crazy story that she had been posted on an outer rim colony that was destroyed with few survivors and then reassigned to the Enterprise. From what she knew of the USS Enterprise it did the most deep space exploring, which meant that if she wanted to find another Ancient outpost (since she came through a gate, there had to be more than one...or so she hoped) she needed to be on that ship.

And here she was, eating the most disgusting food she had ever tasted and bored out of her skull.

She missed Atlantis terribly. She missed John, Teyla, Ronon, Dr. Weir, Evan, even Rodney (even if it was his fault she got stuck in the first place). They were her family, the only ones who ever really gave her the chance to be who was. Homesickness set in even deeper as frequently considered thoughts re-emerged into the front of her mind.

_Will I ever see them again? Are they even trying to find me? And if there are no other gates in this universe...what do I do then?_

It had been a major overload at an ancient outpost that messed up the gate. Some sort of trap set by Michael or the ancients. Julia stayed behind to manually keep the gate stable so they could all go home. The plan had been to send the team back to Atlantis and Rodney be keep the gate stable from there so she could come through. Right after John sent the message that they were home safe the power levels started to spike. Rodney assured her it was safe to come through if she hurried, that he could keep it stable from their end, but she never made it home. There had been more in that Ancient lab, something that had made Rodney very excited, but Julia couldn't remember. She had in fact taken a blow to the head when she fell through. Pieces of the event were missing which caused her great frustration.

Picking at the brick shaped food on her plate that reminded her of playdoe, Julia noticed the Palonian everyone had been whispering about. He was looking about the crowded room for a place to sit. Spotting that Julia had no one sitting with her, he moved to her table.

"Do you mind if I join you? It seems to be very crowded in here." he asked almost as an apology, with a slight hesitation as though he expected her to refuse.

"Not at all, take a seat." Julia answered kindly, smiling slightly for the first time in several hours.

"Thanks. That is very good of you." he sat with a sign of relief and then grinned at her, "You'd be surprised how many people don't want to spend time in my company, since I am not human."

"Really?" Julia was surprised. "I would have thought they would be eager to spend time with someone of a different race, this is after all why we are out here isn't it?"

"Technically yes, but I'm afraid my people put others on edge a bit." he paused for a moment to consider her for a moment and then added, "I think maybe you don't actually know very much about Palonians?"

Julia raised her eyebrows at him, which caused the young man to become quickly flustered and quickly explain himself.

"I'm so sorry, I should really introduce myself first. My name is Rogan. I am a Palonian. We are empathic and telepathic creatures, although we can not listen to the thoughts of others without permission of said person. You may find many people will try and tell you we read everyone's minds and invade privacy. This is not true. The empathic abilities do allow for the tendency to feel what those around us feel, which is why I came to the conclusion you maybe didn't know any of what I just shared since you felt so confused and open to me..." taking a deep breath, Rogan gave an apologetic smile, "Where as now you are much less readable. Those are impressively fast defenses you have there. Not many people know how to shield themselves mentally like that."

"Like what?" Julia looked at her new acquaintance with slightly narrowed eyes. Rogan's eyes, on the other hand, widened in amazement.

"You don't even realize you are doing it do you?" he said softly, "That is absolutely amazing! Please tell me, have you had encounters with telepaths before?"

Julia flinched involuntarily. Various encounters with the wraith had given her a fair share of experiencing their mental abilities. It had not been pleasant, especially with that wraith queen...

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."

Julia glanced up at Rogan, who's face was stricken and looked genuinely concerned for her.

"Its alright, I'm ok. Just a few unpleasant memories." quickly deciding to change the subject. "Have you been enjoying your stay on this ship? I mean other than rude people being rude?"

Rogan chuckled softly, relieved that she had not been upset by his thoughtless question.

"I have. The chief engineer is very good to work with and my tasks are engaging. The 'rude people' as you so delicately put it, are manageable. I believe they just feel threatened by what they do not trust or understand. I do not blame them. My race does have other abilities that cause others to be wary for good reason. Not all of my people are good people and have done terrible things."

"So have mine." said Julia with a smile. She felt suddenly less gloomy and glad to be talking to someone for a change. Mostly she kept to herself because she was always on the move, but now that she was on the Enterprise and would hopefully remain for a long while, perhaps she would try and at least make a few general acquaintances .

The rest of the meal pasted with pleasant conversation. Julia managed to ask enough questions to keep Rogan talking about himself rather than give him the chance to ask questions about her.

She learned that he came from a noble house on his planet, a middle child. His race was a group of form changers. Each individual, when they reached adulthood, would begin to be able to take different forms. They primarily involved the forms of various animal creatures, and each individual normally only had three of four forms.

It was difficult to master the different forms, for in that shape the individual had to fight against the natural instincts of the creature they became. There was tremendous mental and emotional control involved with making the change. Different creatures were easier to control, depending on the individual. Generally, the more dangerous and powerful the creature, the harder it became to keep ones sentience. The emotional control was terribly important as often powerful emotions would be the trigger for a transformation.

In terms of culture on his world, Julia learned that the nobility would try and match their children with mates who had powerful forms. The kings and queens were selected from these powerful form takers by way of competitions.

Rogan shared that he was unusual even among his people because he took many forms. It was so many above the normal number that his parents advised him to stop registering them with The Records, for his own safety. He would be seen as a threat, or worse, forced into a bond with a mate he did not wish. It was because of this that he left his planet and headed for the stars.

"So what forms can you take?" asked Julia, truly fascinated by the whole thing.

"Oh...well, I have been known to morph into loveable earth dog, and on occasion Panther-bear." he said with a slow smile, "And I think I had better keep others to my self. The one I find easiest to control is not a very popular creature."

"Hmm, I'm not sure if I want to insist on you telling me, or if I should leave well enough alone." Julia mock pondered. Rogan gave a thoughtful smirk and re-affirmed that she would probably be happier not knowing.

"Well, it has been a surprisingly lovely conversation, but I think I should turn in for the evening. Early shift in the morning." said Julia finally.

"Yes, wouldn't want you to fall asleep while on duty." Rogan agreed standing up and collecting the trays leftover from their meals. "Thank you by the way. You company has been most refreshing. Perhaps we could do this again sometime?"

"Of course! I dislike eating alone. See you tomorrow?" Julia asked, to which Rogan smiled and nodded with obvious keenness before they parted ways.


	2. An Unfortunate Reaction

**AN: Ok folks, I admit...I've really having fun with these characters. I've had a bit of trouble writing any transitional period between the last interact of Julia and Rogan. This 'episode' has been floating around in my head for a bit so I just wanted to get it out. Let me know what you think and what I can improve on, or what you would like see happen :)**

_"Well, it has been a surprisingly lovely conversation, but I think I should turn in for the evening. Early shift in the morning." said Julia finally. _

_"Yes, wouldn't want you to fall asleep while on duty." Rogan agreed standing up and collecting the trays leftover from their meals. "Thank you by the way. You company has been most refreshing. Perhaps we could do this again sometime?"_

_"Of course! I dislike eating alone. See you tomorrow?" Julia asked, to which Rogan smiled and nodded with obvious keenness before they parted ways. _

Four Weeks Later:

Julia paced around her room, tapping her fingers together and just generally fidgeting. It had been an awful day. And as much as she wanted to, she could blame anyone for it...except maybe herself. Blaming Rogan wasn't fair, besides, he was the only friend she had.

Several weeks had passed since Rogan and Julia first began their friendship. It began as a mutual desire for company during meals, however it quickly became common for them to be seen together in the Rec Hall, or at the gym. Rumors circulated that they were an item, however between the two of them was a respectful foundation of sincere camaraderie. It never occurred to Julia to think of it as being anything more, that just didn't happen to her. Despite a few words of caution from a few nosy coworkers, Julia never once felt like being friends with him might be dangerous or that his abilities were to be feared. Over the past weeks they made it through several adventures, including being stranded on an ice planet for three days.

The shuttle broke, to put it mildly, while Rogan and Julia were on a planet collecting crystals. A violent ice storm inhibited the transporter from beaming them out. They would have frozen if it hadn't been for Rogan's morphing abilities. Thinking of it made Julia feel both amazed and frightened. She briefly wondered it those warning from other people should have been better heeded.

They had found a cave for shelter out of the wind since the shuttle was of no use. Julia had brought what she could to build a transport locator so they could be found when the storm stopped. Rogan was injured from the crash, their third party was dead.

**Flashback:**

Julia helped Rogan to sit against the wall, trying hard not to cry from how cold she was and how devastated she felt at losing yeomen Carlos. He had been a good kid, not much younger than herself. Rogan let out a moan.

"Are you ok?" Julia asked, knowing it was a dumb question.

"You're going to freeze. And so will I if I don't do something about it." he answered through gritted teeth.

"What can you do?"

"Morph. There's a beast that I can become which is accustomed to very cold climates. An icecat, as it I can keep us both alive."

Julia nodded, "Ok, so do it."

He looked her in the eye, incredibly grave. "I'm going to, but I need you to go hide. I've mentioned to you that the transformations take a lot of effort and control? And I'm injured so I won't be able to control the beast's instincts immediately. I will be confused and... hungry. Please, whatever you do don't run, because then I really might eat you by mistake, and I don't want to do that."

"Ha, well it wouldn't be the first time someone wanted to have me for lunch, I've met space vampires." joked Julia with subtle seriousness. Rogan didn't even twitch a smile, he just pointed to the rocks close to the entrance and said, "Go hide. And if I come at you, DO NOT RUN. And don't try to stun me either. Just back off slowly."

Julia sobered, hurried out of sight and hid. Everything was silent for a moment, and then there was an awful shout which rose into a piercing roar. A violent frenzy of growls and roars echoed through the cave, and then silence. She waited, and then stole a peek over the edge of the rocks. There stood what looked for all the world to be a snow leopard crossed with a bear. The fur coat was beautiful, flaked with white and silver. The beast was as tall as a seventeen hand horse, it had sharp teeth and flashing eyes. Eyes which suddenly fixed upon her.

In a flash it sprang towards her, crouched low to the ground. Julia felt her heart jump into her throat and she tried not to run, or scream. She scrambled to the left, only to feel the beasts claws catch her leg. Pain spread sharply, even with her being so numb with cold. The creature circled round past her cutting off the exit. Backing slowly away, Julia felt a very real terror build in her chest.

Her back hit a wall. There was nowhere to go.

"Rogan, please snap out of it." she whispered, and then closed her eyes and held her breath as the creature took a step closer, claws clicking on the ice. Then, it suddenly leapt away, and sat down, just staring her with its bright green eyes. Blinking, Julia collapsed to the ground and found that she was shaking all over. Her leg was completely numb, and it was spreading to her hip. She watched as the big cat sniffed the air, looked down at her laying on the ground, and then leapt the long distance towards her once more. She thought for sure it would land on her. But instead it stood beside her, and a in her mind she felt a gentle pressure of another's presence touching her surface thoughts. Her first instinct was to fight it, but this presence was so different than the wraith. It was warm, gentle and bright like soft light. Her walls hesitated for a moment and she hear Rogan's thought voice echo in her head.

_Julia? Julia its alright. I'm in control now. I am so sorry that it took as long as it did. I also apologize for not warning you sooner about my needing to speak into your mind. I assure you I am not reading your thoughts in anyway, although your emotions are clearer to me than usual. You can answer out loud to answer me._

"Nice fur. How do you get it to grow like that?"

_Very funny. Now hold still, my claws have poison on them, which is why you can't stand anymore. But lucky for you, I also have a cure. Try not to move. I'm afraid this will hurt a bit._

"Rogan, what are you doing?" said Julia nervously. The cat Rogan placed a heavy paw on her upper legs and then bent his head towards the wound. "Are you going to LICK my leg? Rogan that's gross, not to mention weird!" Struggling, Julia tried to slip away. A deep dangerous rumble of a growl stilled her.

_Its going to save your life you little imp, now hold still. _

The second his tongue touch the wound, it felt as though her leg was on fire. It was all she could do not cry out. But in a few long moments, the pain was gone, leaving behind a comfortable warmth that spread from her leg throughout her body. She felt sleepy. The next thing she knew, just as she dropped off, Rogan had shifted her over way from the wall and the big cat curl around her protectively against the cold.

**Flashback ends.**

Ok, so obviously Rogan's morph forms weren't terrible, and he had saved them more than once because of them, however...today. This day had been one extreme annoyance followed by another ending in her being in such a state she couldn't think straight.

_Personal log, Stardate...who cares, its just another day away from home._

_It all began with a run of the mill 'away mission'. Go down to the planet, look around, get into trouble, get out of trouble and go home. That's how it usually goes, however this time things got much more complicated. _

_The indigenous peoples seemed to be very friendly and peaceful at first. They happily welcomed the away-team (consisting of the captain, McCoy, Spock, Rogan and myself. It always amazes me how at the ranking officers decided they should all leave the ship at once.). Everything went smoothly, we were eating and drinking...having a grand old time, until Rogan disappeared out of the blue and Kirk, McCoy and Spock were placed in a holding cell. I managed to give everyone the slip right before they grabbed the three musketeers. I've been in enough situations like this past one to smell it coming, well that and I over heard a few of the officials talking about how wonderful it was to have caught five new sacrifices for Arachno. Apparently Arachno was so thrilled with it's first serving of new meat (Rogan) it wanted more. _

_I didn't like the sound of that in face it down right scared m,e so I hid,. It would be typical for me to lose the only friend I had in universe that wasn't mine._

_After fairly decent stealth workout on my part, I managed to find captain obvious and his bro's who I swear spend more time locked up in cells than John Sheppard spends in the infirmary. They were surprised to see me. Unfortunately before I could release them I got stunned by my own phaser and put in the cell with them._

_From there we were taken away one by one to be fed to Arachno..._

Julia passed in her dictating to give a little shiver. She had been the last one to be taken to the huge forest dome. The second she set foot outside Julia knew what waited for her. Arachno...Arachnid...spider. Great.

And it wasn't just a spider. It was huge. Its body as big as a car, colored with a mix of blue and grey. Eight hairy legs, horrible shiny black eyes and the click of those pinchers...

_I saw the webs that covered the place and realized that I was now living in my worst nightmare. On P3X-986 back home I encountered a spider the size of a dinner plate. I couldn't sleep for week. This, this was way worse. I think I almost passed out when I saw it. And much to my disgust, I screamed like a damsel in distress (which I kind of was). Like any sensible person, I turned tail and sprinted as fast I could away from it, but it really wasn't any good trying to out run something with six more legs than me. I made great progress, until I feel through a web disguised as ground and landed in a terribly dark hole filled with tunnels and corpses. _

Julia blinked by a few post traumatic tears that began to well up at the memory and then took a deep breath.

_For a few moments I thought maybe the spider went past me, that I had lost it somehow. And in those moments I managed to not hyperventilate and ignore the fact that I was in a deep dark hole waiting to be eaten by a spider like in Lord of the Rings (The only difference being that I didn't have the awesome Samwise the brave coming for me). Unfortunately, my hysteria kicked in about the same time Arachno dropped menacingly down the hole. Running down the tunnel, I promptly got tied up in web and fell over on the ground unable to move, numbly watching my fate approach. _

_Now, you can imagine my surprised relief and joy when I felt the gentle pressure of Rogan in my mind. Naturally I dropped all defenses in my mind yelling with both my voice and thought to him, telling him to hurry up morph into something big and tear the spider apart. His reply was not what I expect. _

She could still hear it in her mind, his rueful answer.

"As much as I would like to destroy anything that causes you so much fear and discomfort, I'm afraid I can't tear myself apart very well." then feeling/seeing her dismay he added, "I would have told you sooner, but I couldn't break through into your surface to tell you until now. Your mind shut down so fast before you even saw me, and then the only way I knew I could get through without hurting you was for direct eye contact...which would be now."

_It turns out Rogan L'Phuern has a form that is a giant spider...the one he'd been avoiding telling me about, the one that he finds easiest to morph into. I just stared at him, or rather the spider him, and then felt so angry I almost lost it right there. Mildly unreasonable I suppose, but I was so afraid, and so spiked full of adrenaline that I couldn't even think straight, and I knew if I did I would probably burst into tears and cry like a baby._

_Blocking my mind from him as best I could, I struggled on my own to try and get free, without any success that is. In the end, he moved over cautiously and cut me free before leading the way to where he had stashed the others. After that we used his spider self to our advantage and convinced the leaders to suspend all sacrifices and allow federation governorship. _

_I went on with being angry with him. I didn't speak to him the rest of the time on the planet, nor could he communicate with me in his morphed form. And when he did change back I still wouldn't speak to him. I feel a little badly now. _

Sighing, Julia ended the entry and set about preparing for bed. Rogan had tried so hard to speak to her, obviously upset by what had happened. She knew she was being unreasonable. She thought of trying to apologize a few times already that evening, but it was easier to be angry than face the fact she was terribly affected by the whole ordeal, so she never did it. Swallowing her pride, Julia resolved to apologize in the morning. In the meantime, she was exhausted and wanted to sleep.


	3. Facing the Facts

Sleep did not bring relief to Julia. In fact, she hardly slept more than an hour before the nightmares began.

By the time she had to get up for her shift, she felt awful. Stumbling about her room, she dressed and then headed to the mess hall to eat. As she had promised herself, Julia search immediately for Rogan amidst all the people. He wasn't there, nor did she see him for several days, until finally one morning she spotted him sitting alone in his usual corner of the rec room.

Feeling awkward and very guilty, she made her way over. She stopped just in front of the empty chair and waited for him to look up. When he did, she wished he hadn't.

His face was stern, his eyes hard and guarded. He didn't seem very happy to see her. For a moment neither said anything, then Rogan raised his eyebrows at her, almost in annoyance.

Julia bit her lip and looked at the ground hastily. The past few days had been so lonely. She missed talking with him. In fact, she came to the conclusion she really missed _him._ A lot. As in, more that she should miss a friend, which scared her a bit.

"Rogan, I...I wanted to apologize for my behavior the past few days. It was wrong. I'm sorry."

_There, _she thought with a deep breath, _at least that's over with. He probably hates me now though. I've been so awful._

"Apology accept."

Julia looked up from the floor quickly to look at him. His face had softened ever so slightly, but was still hard. Julia felt that he must not want her there and was angry with her, which was fair.

"Right, ok. Um...I..." she hesitated, struggling with what to say and feel, then finished with, "I have to go on shift. I won't bother you any longer."

She quickly turned and hurried out of the room, ignoring the sound of her name being called. Once in hall, she continued to bit her lip in frustration. Her friendship with Rogan was probably greatly damaged. But why did she care, it wasn't like she could afford to have good friends anyway. She stepped into the first private rec room she could find and stood in the dark thinking miserably.

_But what if he doesn't stop being mad? Oh why was I so dumb! Why am I still being dumb! This shouldn't matter so much! Why does this matter!? Why should I care if he doesn't want to spend time together anymore. Just because he's your only friend doesn't make it reasonable to be so upset, and its not like you...you...might really like him. That doesn't matter! Smarten up!_ _Its not like anything could happen anyway! _Tears pricked at her eyes, and she brushed them away angrily. _I must just not have slept enough-_

"No you haven't." came a quiet answer as the lights flicked on.

The voice came from close behind her, causing Julia to jump out of her skin into the wall. It was Rogan. He was studying her closely, as if gauging her reactions.

Flushing and attempting to right herself, Julia said, "Oh, hello. I didn't realize you had come in. What did you say?"

"I said that you haven't slept enough. I can tell, your surface thoughts are leaking out so loudly I can't help but hear them. In fact, you seem to be projecting them at me, which is very odd since you are not a telepath...as far as we know."

"Oh, sorry...um...I didn't mean to?" she looked at him in confusion, and the went an even deeper shade of red in embarrassment knowing her emotions over him where probably just as loud.

"Not your fault. I think you have forgotten that the captain gave us both the next few days off though, including today. Perhaps you should sleep."

Julia's hands did a strange little jerking motion just before she crossed her arms casually and look up with an almost believable smile.

"Yes, I should do that. In fact, I could go now, and stop doing whatever it is I'm doing that is making it hard for you not to hear my thoughts." turning quickly, she would have tried to scamper off out the door if Rogan hadn't reached out and caught hold of her arm.

"Now is the worst time to be trying to lie to me Julia Miles." he said in a dangerously soft tone. "Why does sleeping make you so scared that you just thought of taking a stimulant rather than falling asleep, hmm?"

Julia stared at him for a moment, considering what excuse to make. His stare turned extremely stern, telling Julia lying again was out of the question.

"This isn't fair Rogan." Julia sighed with frustration. He didn't answer, but the side of is mouth twitched up, threatening a ghost of a smile. "I don't want to tell you!"

"Tell me what?"

Instantly Julia thought of the past several nights, the awful dreams and memories haunting her. Immediately after thinking of them, Julia realized what Rogan had just made her tell without meaning to.

_You sneaky ass! Taking advantage of my sleep deprived state!_ _I can't believe you!_

She expected him to at least look smug at her mental comment, but when she glanced back up at his face he looked less then humorous.

"What exactly have you been dreaming Julia?"

At once the worst reoccurring dream popped into her head and Rogan looked even more grave and upset.

Julia snapped in half hearted exasperation, "Stop that!" to which Rogan replied, "I am not doing anything, your the one thinking loudly!"

"Well stop asking questions!"

He sighed and released her arm. "Julia, you can't keep taking stimulants. You need to sleep properly!"

"And I will. Rogan seriously, this is not my first rodeo, I've had nightmares before. They will get better." responded Julia, trying to sound confident. _Of course my last set took almost a year to stop. _

"Julia! You work on a starship! You cannot afford to be only half at your best!"

"Well what do you expect me to do?!"

Rogan looked thoughtful, and then hesitantly made a suggestion, " Telepathy has often been used to help PTSD and nightmares in many people. A deep connection and guidance in the mind to help it rebalance. Its not difficult or painful. If you want I could-"

Julia's eyes widened and he stopped talking, looking at her with a sad yet understanding expression.

"I'm sorry Rogan, but I can't. I just can't do that." she said shaking her head, "You need to understand, its not you at all. I honestly do trust you to...to do your telepathy thing in my head, but I...I can't let anyone in my head. Not ever! Please...please try to understand!?"

He nodded, "I understand. But I think you're going to like my second suggestion even less..."

"Try me."

"Often times, exposure to the thing that frightens us the most can cure us from being afraid of it. Exposure to my spider form could-"

Rogan took a sharp step back in reaction to her emotional response as though he had been hit. Julia looked very pale.

"You're right," she choked, "I don't like this idea either."

"Would it really be that bad? You would know its me this time, and we could take it very slow...please Julia, the only other alternative at this point is to speak with Doctor McCoy, and I know you and he don't always see eye to eye...and he would want to know details..."

Julia's had gone glassy with tears and she pressed her palm to her forehead taking a shaky breath. Rogan waited a moment before stepping forward and wrapping her in a hug.

The tired girl burst into tears and sobbed out broken phrases of explanation until she remember Rogan could loudly feel and hear everything at the moment.

"I just don't know what to do...I can't...Rogan I was so scared, and then I got mad at you, and...oh for frick sake, why does it have to be a gigantic spider! The worst part is I can't wake up when I'm have the dream...I'm so tired."

Rogan waited patiently for her to finish before responding. "Perhaps you should sleep a bit in here? And before you get all scared on me, I promise to stay and at the first sign of you having a nightmare I will wake you up. Deal?"

Julia remained quiet for a moment, and then replied quietly, "You promise not to go inside my head? Just wake me?"

"I promise. But may I reserve the right to brush the surface of your mind if I am uncertain if its a nightmare or I cannot wake you normally?"

"Alright, fine. But I don't want to sleep in here, did that once, my back hated me for a week." said Julia with a yawn, "Do you mind if..." Julia trailed of and turned a pretty color of pink.

"We go to your cabin? Not at all, I thought you'd never ask." Supplied Rogan with an impish gleam in his eye and neutral expression. Scolding herself for being foolish and embarrassed about how things could be taken, especially at a time when someone else could hear her thoughts, Julia gave a disheartened groan and headed for the door.

Rogan chuckled softly as he followed. "Julia, do try not to be so hard on yourself. I know exactly what you meant. Do forgive my teasing."

"Sometimes I really don't like being friends with you Rogan...you and your mind reading skills..."

"Not to mention my unfortunate habit of becoming terrifying monsters..."

"That too. That's it, I've decided I don't like you." came Julia spontaneous reply, "Oh wait, I tried that. It sucks not having friends."

Rogan laughed out loud and the pair lapsed into a comfortable silence.

By the time Julia got to her cabin, she was beginning to feel how tired she really was, and the effects of the last stimulant had worn off. Rogan settled himself in a chair near the door and Julia flopped onto her bed and closed her eyes.

At first she dozed fitfully, waking herself at the beginnings of the dreams. It always started at the moments she was locked inside the arena, to be fed to Arachno. About the fourth try, when she woke with a yelp, Rogan got up from his post and perched quietly on the edge of her bed.

"Let me help Julia? Please?" his voice was oddly strained, "This mostly my fault anyway."

Julia rolled over and peeked at him through her now tangled hair that was sticking to her sweating brow.

"What could you do Rogan? Besides go inside my head? There are things in here, I really don't want anyone to know about, things that I dream about and become nightmares too."

Rogan looked at her for a long moment, then said with hesitancy, "Let me in just a little bit? I promise not to go deep, and only enough to control the dreams. If you can go though the dream without waking, go through it and finish without fear, it won't be as frequent since it wouldn't be on your mind as much. Please Julia?"

She sat up, shaking and stared at him briefly before covering her mouth with her hand to stop a sob from escaping.

_This is the only way I'm going to sleep isn't it? But you don't understand...I'm...I can't.. _she thought desperately, then took a deep breath and flopped over onto her side and hid her face like a frightened child.

"Alright, alright, we won't do that. I'm sorry Julia, I just hate seeing you like this knowing I'm partly to blame and could fix it." he reached out and gently brushed the hair back from her half hidden face hoping it would calm her. It had the desired effect, he continued the motion of brushing her hair back and watched her relax. Gradually her breathing slowed, and she slept.

Rogan smiled slightly, kicking himself for not thinking of something so simple sooner. When he was certain she was peaceful, he rose soundlessly and settle in his chair once more to keep watch as he promised.


End file.
